Sitting here at the cancer center. I just asked Scott a question... "Do you think everyone in this room has cancer?". He looks at me, in that way he has that leads me to believe he thinks I am missing some brain cells, and he says, "Yes." I hate those one word answers... and he is famous for them. He sits next to me, reading his Kindle. I'm embarrassed to say that I have bogarted the iPad since we got here.
The TV is blaring. It's on CNN and they are broadcasting a court appearance for someone named Snooki. Evidently, she is on a reality show called Jersey Shores, got drunk on a beach, and created all sorts of mayhem. Listen... I was able to let go of my reality watching TV days the day The Hills ended... about a month ago...
wait... does The Rachel Zoe Project count?
I'm joking around with you because I'm here, in this Middle Place. The place between everything is fine and everything is horrible. It's a weird place, sorta like Wonderland... "I wonder if the cancer has spread? I wonder if this nightmare will be over soon? I wonder if Scott will get really sick like some of the people in this room?"
We are so lucky. So many people have called, emailed, and texted to check on us. We have the Lord, we have each other, we have it all...
If you haven't read the book The Middle Place, I highly recommend it. It's a fabulous book written by a woman (Kelly Corrigan) who gets breast cancer at a young age. The book is soooooo good. If I ever write a book, this is the flavor I want mine to have... the feel... she captures just the right blend of seriousness, and hilarity. She is able to get down on paper what everyone is thinking, but are afraid to say.
I started rereading it last night for the fourth time in 2 yrs. I remembered her Dad got cancer as well, but not the details. Imagine my shock, when I read at about 1am, that he had prostate cancer (what my husband has) and that in the book, it SPREADS!
I was not even believing it... seemed a little too close for comfort.
I was forced to put it down, and mercifully fell right to sleep.
Scott's name was just called. He turned and said to me, "Off to the gallows."
More later...
1 week ago
10 comments:
I'm going to pray for you and your husband. And yes, The Rachel Zoe Project counts. I know because I watch it too. And while I tried to pawn it off as "I'm just watching the runway stuff", I have to admit, it's still a reality show :)
Oh Teri! My heart goes out to you and Scott! Praying for you and thinking of you. xoxo
Teri -- you are amazing. To be blogging right there on the spot.
I have been in touch with Lib today and we're both just waiting to hear from you...
Love to you both!
Ruth
I understand some of what you are going through as my husband had it as well...it is a real test of your faith and strength...I dearly hope that you two get through this difficult bit.
I must relate something silly as I know laughter is a great friend...
After my husbands' first of 5 surgeries...
I was so stressed that I asked to borrow his cell phone so he could call me in case the doctor came to chat with us about the results.
I went get a cup of tea from the hospital cafeteria.
I could not eat, but tea was a tonic.
He looked at me funny and said honey I don't think that it will work in here...and he really laughed...
I was holding his Philishave razor.
Honest truth Teri.
Sending positive thoughts...
Teri .. I have not read the book The Middle Place ... nor am I facing cancer. What I can share is that you are not alone, and my heart goes out to you and your family, the unknown plays in our minds so many "what ifs" and usually the horrible resulted ones .. that at times it seems that it is real.
Too often everyone is so focused on "us" patients .. that they forget to ask the Love-One supporting and caring for "us" patients how they are. I've seen how my Hubby suffers and goes without sleep before and after the surgery with me (I still have 2-3 to get through); how everything gets planned around what "I" am able to tolerate.. etc...
So my Friend Teri , I am asking How are you? You are an amzing woman from what I have read on your blog and comments that are left for you... Know that someone you have not met ... is wishing the strength to keep going, to remember to take care of yourself too! Hugs and Blessings ..HHL
I cannot express how sweet these comments are.
I am doing well.
Will respond to these last two comments when I can get my thoughts together.
Right now I'm in bed after a long day. Both of us have really bad headaches... the brain can only take in so much until it says "uncle.
Must.get.some.sleep.
After all... As Scarlett says, "Tomorrow is another day,"
Sending you and Scott hugs and prayers during this difficult time. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I'll be praying for you both,
xo,
LuLu
Holding you and Scott in my heart and prayers. xxoo
Dear Teri
I have just found your blog all the way from Spain, so feel it would be inappropriate to say anything too sentimental, as we really are strangers. But on the other hand, cancer knows no boundaries. So on that basis I just wanted to send you my heart felt prayers and thoughts.
p.s I know what you mean about the 1 word answers; my husband does the same just when I want to "chew over the fat".
Teri, I cannot imagine. I am praying for you and Scott and your kids. I got your so thoughtful thank you in the mail yesterday and thanked the Lord for your hopeful, caring, and joyful spirit.
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