Well friends... I don't know if anyone noticed, but I've been in a self-imposed exile for awhile. I want my blog to be uplifting, and while good things continue to happen in my life... some not so good things have happened too.
I have not been in a mood to blog without it sounding... well... depressing... and I refuse to make this a place that doesn't make you at least 'crack a smile.'
I'll try to say in a few words what I've been going through... I've had
a sudden and unexplained bout with migraine headaches... the first in my entire life (they thought I had a mini stroke at first... but CT scan and MRI showed nothing). I've also had total and complete insomnia... and I don't mean the kind that comes from worry or anxiety, it's the kind of insomnia that says..."I'm awake, now what?" It not only makes me cranky, but I'm also aging before my eyes! I have also not been myself in mind or body. I was out to dinner the other night with friends, and I felt like I was having an out of body experience. It was like I was there, but I was watching myself have dinner from a distance. It's funny, my husband and I will have an entire conversation, and suddenly I realize, I haven't heard a word he's said... and worse... I haven't heard a word I've said!
Is all this because I turned 50??? I wonder....
The other day I was reading a magazine my mother-in-law kindly brought me because it had an article on Paris in it. When I turned to this page... I laughed OUT LOUD. Not only does this show the French in rare form... or should I say "regular" form... but it looks like I've been feeling lately. Superimpose my face on either woman, and there you have it... the way I've felt lately when ANYone, ANYwhere, asks me to do ANYthing!
(The phone rings...) "do you really expect me to answer that?"
(It's 6pm...) "dinner... what's that?... if I'm not hungry, I don't know why you are."
(It's 2am...) "this isn't too late to be watching TV darling, and yes, I know you have to get up in the morning...what can I say?"
(A friend asks if I can help with a project...) "seriously? you've got to be kidding!!"
(Someone at church wants me to commit to something in the fall... )"I could be crazy by fall! Are you sure you want me? If you only knew how weird I'm feeling, you wouldn't ask me... gotta go now... I feel a breakdown coming on..."
(Mom asks me if I want to take a trip to Washington D.C...) "I don't know if I can take a trip across town, and you want me to go to Washington D.C.?"
(Husband comes home from work...)"Darling... from now on, our TV cannot be on the news at all, and also... could you be a dear and get the mail everyday, and screen it for bad news before you hand it to me? And sweetheart, whatever you do, don't mention our retirement account, or the economy. I just got finished cleaning my rose colored glasses, and I don't want you to fog them up. Oh... I hung twinkle lights and spread fairy dust around the house today... try and go with it... okay?"
(my words in red)
Luckily, I've come up with a plan to deal with all this, that doesn't include moving to a desert island... afterall... wherever I go, I take me with me!
more to come girls... more to come...
Photo...National Geographic Traveler-July/Aug 2010 pgs 72-73.
Photographic team of Sisse Brimberg and Cotton Coulson.